no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Randomize
