Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
