You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
You're earring is so big in my mouth
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
