And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
