Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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