I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
