STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
