i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
