Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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