I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Little spoons don't ask big questions
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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