Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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