bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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