I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
