you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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