It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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