I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
