So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
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