Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
