She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
