Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I just threw up on my dentist
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
