yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
