Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
