went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
