I think I died a long time ago.
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
