Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize
