I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
