Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
