Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
This gyro tastes like lonliness
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Randomize
