I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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