When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
