I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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