It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
