U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
