I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
