i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Randomize
