I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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