not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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