This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
