My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
