just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
