I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
