I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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