I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
