What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
