i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
