God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
