Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
That was an excessively violent trivia night
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
