I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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