yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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