It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
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