I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Shame is for Republicans.
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