The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
