we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
